Friday, October 10, 2014

FedEx Training Attack Hawks: Amazon Drones Beware


SkyNet was a fictional representation of a robot Apocalypse - robot drones occupy the skies delivery humanity to the brink of extinction.

This isn't that.

Recently uncovered footage shows a hawk downing what could be an Amazon delivery drone.

What first appeared as random attacks, is thought to be results of a secret training program.  Eye witness accounts of birds attacking innocent, privately owned, 'quad-copter' drones around the world point to one possibility: Avian Skulduggery.




Just outside Memphis, TN, FedEx World Headquarters,  locals have been noticing an increase in "Bird-nappings" - pet hawks, crows, canaries and even Canadian Geese have been reported missing at a alarming rate.
"The other morning, I was feeding the geese.  I had to get more feed.  When I came back out, all 20 of 'em were gone.  Without a trace.  It's the damnedest thing...its like they just flew away...", reports Jimmie Casey, the neighborhood goose wrangler.
GoPro and QuadPod enthusiasts say their drones are under attack.  Hawks, crows and geese appear to have a singular mission; attack, maul and negate mechanical intruders.

Flying birds are not the only recruits.  Recently released NSA footage shows field training of a FedEx recruit, pestering a UPS driver.

Warning, the following footage may be too intense for some viewers.





There's more.

Obtained through the Freedom of Information Act, footage shows a foul-recruitment technique designed to entice American Bald Eagles. Locals refused to answer any questions regarding 'attack Eagles' on camera. But un-named sources close to the project said,

"It's a mess out there.  It's like they're being trained to eat fish and attack pickup trucks.  I don't like it."




More Rumors -

Internet groups like Next Day Delivery and online forum, Package Shipping are filled with whispers of a secret program, named 'Drone: Attack, Maul, Negate'(DAMN).  This program is believed to the brainchild of either Elon Musk, Sir Richard Branson or Meg Whitman.  Perhaps all three are forming a triad.

More details as our investigation continues...for now, keep your eyes to the skies and watch The Birds.




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* Do I need to mention that the above is a work of fiction, fantasy and fantastical?
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