Friday, April 1, 2011

HP to Purchase Xerox. Joins CISCO, IBM & MicroSoft in move offshore. Upside Down World.

In a late-night move, HP began buying outstanding Xerox stock. The Nikkei 225 responding by rising 5%  London's FTSE 100 hiking 3%.

HP's effort to gobble up one of its primary competitors is eclipsed by other stunning developments.

Reports of HP physically moving their headquarters to Sri Lanka are swirling around the water coolers and through the hallowed halls in San Jose. 

An unnamed source had this to say,

"...with the US economy growing at the speed of smell, and the apparent anti-business stance of both California and the current administration, we have no choice but to execute what we call Special Order 66.  This group of technology concerns will move all facilities and employees to special accommodations that have been constructed in Sri Lanka..."

Not only will this move include ALL domestic facilities and employees at HP, it appears that CISCO, IBM, and Microsoft have decided to exit the US as well.

Echoing a dubious reference to Star Wars - in what can only be described as a collision on the mythical scale - CISCO, HP, IBM, and Microsoft collectively announced an "imperial alignment" referred to as Special Order 66.

Turning their back on the current business environment in the US, this collection of high-tech titans, acting in a clandestine manner,  has been building production, research and development, and administration facilities on the island of Sri Lanka for the past seven years.

These campuses are reportedly concentrated in the southern tip of the island country, in cities of Galle, Beruwala, and Ratnapura. 

Some of the hardest-hit areas from the Tsunami in 2004.

Supporting this stunning announcement, Reliance Industries Limited, TATA Steel, National Thermal Power, and Icici Bank - some of the largest commercial businesses in India - released this:

"The Americans approached us soon after the December 26 Tsunami of 2004 with this bold plan...we are very proud to have been working with Group SO_66 and look forward to a stable and profitable relationship today and into the next century..."

An unnamed source from CISCO added,

"...this is a great day.  As we move and consolidate our technological knowledge and prowess, more jobs will find their way BACK to the US as we out-source many helpdesk and customer support functions to cities like San Bernardino, CA, Toledo, OH and Greenville, NC.  Group SO_66 will now combine our efforts to bring SkyNet to the world..."

In unrelated, yet just as stunning news - Tom Cruise continues his quest against the Martians in New York, LA is being destroyed, once again, by invading aliens and you should have never taken the Red Pill...

Happy April Fool's Day.

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