Monday, August 29, 2011

The Dubious Monk On Professional Printer Destruction

Author Nathan Dube, also known by his twitter handle @dubiousmonk

As time has gone on I have "worn multiple hats" in my tenure at Expert Laser Services. Graphic Artist, Managed Print Services Specialist and Social Media Marketing Engineer are all responsibilities I have held or currently hold.

As of recent I have also taken on a new role, one with as much prestige as any. In fact I am one of only a few professional "Printer Destruction Specialist" in the world. This is a humbling and rewarding career, one of which I know there are many aspirants...

In this post I would like to outline what makes a great printer destruction possible. Below you will find a most useful guide for the annihilation of print and copy devices that if practiced regularly, will ensure a most sublime level of expertise in the noble art and science of printer destruction.

Choosing The Right Tools

One of the most important elements in a professional printer destruction endeavor is the selection of weaponry. Depending on the size of your device, the presence or lack of toner and shape of the machine, one may want to consider using a single weapon or multiple tools in the attack. Depending on the dynamics of the aforementioned variables you will want to be sure to chose the best tool(s) for the job.

For example when planing to destroy a large copier or multifunctional device, I would suggest choosing equally large equipment to be used in the destruction. (See example below)

Fellow printer destruction specialist, Eric Morse made waves with this divine experiment in copier destruction as seen in the video below.

As you can see, Eric chose the right equipment for the job. By utilizing a front end loader, Eric was able to produce a jump that would launch the 98 Ford Crown Victoria with maximum entertainment value.

Utilize Variety

While some jobs will require only a few tools others may demand a more dynamic approach. Knives, fire works and pasta sauce are only a few of the elements used in the destruction of the printer in the video below.

*I would also note that attitude is most important when brutalizing a printer as seen here...

As you can see, by using various types of weaponry and blunt objects this printer was absolutely destroyed. By using different types of destruction tools, one is sure to have a most utterly useless piece of technology by the end of the destruction process.

Consider Explosives

When taking the time to formulate a printer destruction plan sometimes the options available to you can make the decisions related to choosing a tool complicated. Often times when in this position myself I find that explosives are always a good choice.

Watch here as printer destruction guru Adam Valiquette makes short work of this lowly inkjet printer in this classic example of the correct use of explosives...

Notice the form of the cloud of smoke following the explosion. This is a sure sign that the correct amount of explosives was used. I would like to note that this is not a technique that should be employed without an explosives expert and the proper permits on hand...

In closing I would suggest that you don't take the advice here as gospel. Develop your own voice as a printer destruction specialist. Experiment, try new things and think outside of the box. As time goes on you will find the tools of destruction that are right for you, tools of which will serve you well in your destructive endeavors.

If you have any examples of printer destruction, do send them to me, I would love to see them.

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